Since I totally forgot about today’s post until now and it has some relevance for me, I’m stealing Loni’s idea.
I posted previously about Crossfit. I try not to speak too much of it because I know the stigma it carries. And truthfully, from an outside observer before I started it looked like pure chaos.
I promise I’ll get to the writing part soon.
A few weeks ago there was a team workout and I got partnered up with two other women who had just started (I was not quite at my first month yet I think). They were friends who decided to do this together. Cool because my husband dragged me into this. So we’re getting set up and going since there’s different movements and it’s supposed to be one person working at a time so the other two can rest. About halfway through they’re not following the pattern anymore. Suddenly I find myself on my own for the rest of the workout because they decided I wasn’t moving fast enough for them (by the way, this is not normal behavior for people at my box – the others are very helpful and inclusive no matter their level).
I’m big and slow. I have a hard time doing stuff. I scale everything. Those simple facts began to snowball into directly negative thoughts (I can’t do this. I’ll never get anywhere. What was I thinking? Who am I kidding?) and it went beyond Crossfit. I began second guessing myself on everything, which is really bad at this time as I’m wrapping up book 2 and editing book 3. Had a panic attack about another team workout and had to sit that day out.
Lack of a decent night’s rest for who knows how long wasn’t helping either.
It became my turn at one of my critique groups and I prayed I could take people’s opinions without breaking down. I knew I had problems with the first chapter of book 3, but I couldn’t figure out what.
Managed to make it through that and start Camp NaNoWriMo (I use Camps for revisions and maybe some small side projects if I have time). I haven’t touched the first chapter yet since I decided to go through the rest of the book before I made an major changes. Need to see what I have because I know I set up a lot in the beginning that comes back.
I’m also torn a bit on a few things because readers vs critique partners again.
So I’m still on shaky ground with pretty much everything, but I’m trying to move forward.